Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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