What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
