is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
