I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
is it fun? or sober?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
