He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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