The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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