I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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