She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
