I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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