That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
