I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
