Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
