It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
