i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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