We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
