Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
