you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
