I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
