I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
