You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
