Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
