We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
