living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
