I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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