just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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