Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
