I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
