He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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