she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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