No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
