We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
