wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
