yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
