Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
