i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it's like iHOP with fire
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
