I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
