I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
