I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she smelled like a LAN party
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
