She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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