oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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