we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
