In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
