i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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