Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
