i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
