My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
