I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
