I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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