There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
