Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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