maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
