planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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