I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
