Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
