as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
