help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
