I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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