Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize