Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
