Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
