he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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