he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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