remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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