Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
