I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
