Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
