I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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