Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
