is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The struggles of a small town man whore
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
