Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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