i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
