i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
