dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i came on her dog
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
