the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize