I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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