I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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