is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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