margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
